My kid is a big fan of TV. What kid isn't, really? It's probably our own fault since the hubby and I are both big TV watchers as well.
Anyway, JJ's at the age where he's getting really into watching movies too. He can sit and pay attention for longer periods of time, so he is starting to enjoy more things like Disney movies and such. Like most kids, he goes through his phases. For awhile it was Finding Nemo and right now it's Peter Pan. He watches other things too, of course, but currently, if he had it his way, he'd watch Peter Pan at least six times a day. (Before you pull out your judgey-face, don't worry... we don't let him watch it that much!)
At the age of three, he's also at the stage where he is really starting to comprehend more and copy more. He is definitely a little parrot! I won't even go into some of the things we've had to check off our list to make sure not to say in front of him, mostly after we've already said it and he repeated it...
But because of his copy-cat behavior and his impressive ability to comprehend things and situations, I find myself watching these movies with a new perspective and often a degree of uncertainty. A lot of these movies can be somewhat violent and portray very dark things and I've come to the juncture as a parent where I am asking myself: how much is too much for a toddler?
It started with the "bad guys" in the movies. That was easy. Anytime the villain would appear, I made sure to tell JJ that he (or she) is not very nice and is not doing good things. I wanted to make sure he understood the difference between the good behavior and bad. I think it's pretty clear in the context of the movies, but I just wanted to do my due diligence as his mom. That area became a little cloudy with the introduction of Peter Pan. I never really remembered this from my childhood, but did you ever notice that Peter Pan is kind of a jackass? I don't know if it's just to show that he "never grew up" but he's a total jerk, in my opinion. And that's not even getting into the total misogyny of the whole movie, and I'm not normally one to call the PC Police and I really noticed it. Anyway, I digress... I suppose that I'm more of a Robin Hood girl myself.
The biggest issue I've come across is dealing with the deaths in these movies, mainly the parental ones. When JJ was in his Finding Nemo phase, I would usually skip the opening scene where Nemo's mom and all his siblings were eaten by the barracuda. One time I didn't and asked him if he knew what happened (the attack/death is entirely off-screen). He said "Nemo mommy all gone." OK, then, so you get it, kiddo... The other night we were watching The Lion King and the Mufasa death scene is actually quite tragic and disturbing. He wasn't paying attention at that point, so he hasn't seen it just yet, but I watched it and it is brutal. Mufasa doesn't just get trampled by the herd, Scar full on and very clearly murders him. He throws him from the cliff and Simba watches his father die. It is heartbreaking to say the least. He hasn't seen Bambi yet, but the shooting of Bambi's mom is pretty tragic in almost the same way. No off screen death, just in your face, no doubt about it, dead.
My first instinct is to shelter him from scenes like that since they are so disturbing. I mean come on, he's my baby! But then I think about it and I watched all these shows when I was a kid and I turned out fine. I asked some friends about it on Facebook and most people said to use it as a teaching tool. Which I totally agree with. I'll use anything I can as a teaching tool. He's not asking questions just yet, but the more he sees it, the more he will comprehend what is going on and the questions will come. Death is a part of life. It is reality and I don't want to raise my kid in a bubble. He doesn't seem upset by what he watches, but I don't know what's going on in his head. Maybe he's just processing.
Like I said, I don't want to raise my kid in a bubble, but kids these days seem to grow up way faster than generations before and I'd like him to maintain his innocence as long as possible. One friend (who has a son around the same age as JJ) put it very well when he said, "See my first inclination was to say let the kid keep blissfully ignorant for as long as possible. But you must not only consider the bliss of the current boy you have, but the man you are trying to make. A man is not made on happy and good feelings alone. A man, I believe, should be strong. And people's cores are formed at so early an age. After I typed let the kid enjoy his youth and fast forward I tried picturing doing that with Sammy.....I can't. Instead I would explain why he's sad and tell him he becomes happy later in the movie because he gets to see his dad again. I say give it a nice spin, but still explain the sadness."
My other friend Alison also made a good point of letting him understand what he understands now (i.e. "Nemo Mommy All Gone") and the deeper he gets it, then he will start to ask questions and at that point we can address it.
I suppose there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with these types of things; you just have to know your kid and let him/her show you his individual level of readiness. One thing I do know, is kids tend to be a lot smarter than we like to give them credit for and I'd much rather JJ learn about the important things in life from me or the hubby than from other kids on the playground later on, so he has the facts and a good head on his shoulders.
Here's hoping I'm doing it right by him... :0)
