I just finished reading Tina Fey's book Bossypants and it was hysterical. I've always been a fan of Tina Fey, but after reading her book, it seriously makes me want to be her friend. She is smart and funny and a fantastic writer. To work with her someday would be amazing. Her and Aaron Sorkin.
Anyway, I really liked this part, and even though it is about her daughter and I have a son, I think the general idea applies to all moms and dads with sons or daughters (or both!). So for my friends with sons, just substitute boy things where need be (i.e. Hot Wheels instead of Barbies) and it is still a wonderful sentiment :0)
"The Mother's Prayer for Its Daughter" (side note: "its"? I don't know...)
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it's the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach's eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half.
And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called "Hell Drop," "Tower of Torture," or "The Death Spiral Rock 'N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith," and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.
Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I'm asking You because if I knew, I'd be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short--a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day--
And Adulthood is long and Dry-humping in Cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
"My mother did this for me once," she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby's neck. "My mother did this for me." And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget.
But I'll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.
one in February and I'm still in a state of shock that I have a one-year-old! He just gets more and more amazing everyday and he has completely stolen my heart. He walks all the time. He's either walking or climbing on things (mom and dad, particularly). He's figured out if he holds his arms up and acts like he wants to snuggle with you, he will get picked up and then can climb even higher. Or he will do this from one person to the next to get to where he wants to go. He loves to play chase with Gary, which is really funny because he can't really run yet. He also thinks that if he climbs onto the couch, Gary can't get him. As a mom and wife, these father-son games of "chase" around the living room make my day. :0) He loves to play with cars, trucks, trains and balls. He sort of plays catch, in his own way. We sometimes have some issues getting him to sit still long enough to eat, which is sort of a problem because according to his doctor, he's a tad underweight. He's healthy though, so I'm trying not to be too worried about it. Most recently, he got four molars pretty much all at once which also put a damper on his desire to eat. He seems to be feeling better though. Regardless of if he feels like eating or not, though, the kid will always drink his milk. If I consistently filled up his sippy cup with milk, he would just keep on drinking. I've learned from Gary and his brothers that this is absolutely an inherited Weber trait. He's also starting to talk a little. If we say "milk" he will say "kah, kah" and if we say "juice" he will say "shs, shs" (hard to write the sounds he makes). Those are the only things he says consistently. Occasionally he will say "dad" or "mama". I guess it's good to know your place :0). No matter what day it is, no matter if he's teething, no matter what is going on, JJ is always laughing and smiling. He amazes me with how smart he is and how happy he is all the time. He's got such a great personality and it just develops more and more every day.
